About God’s plan for my life and myself

Judges 6:36 “And Gideon said unto God, If thou wilt save Israel by mine hand, as thou hast said, Behold, I will put a fleece of wool in the floor; and if the dew be on the fleece only, and it be dry upon all the earth beside, then shall I know that thou wilt save Israel by mine hand, as thou hast said. And it was so: for he rose up early on the morrow, and thrust the fleece together, and wringed the dew out of the fleece, a bowl full of water. And Gideon said unto God, Let not thine anger be hot against me, and I will speak but this once: let me prove, I pray thee, but this once with the fleece; let it now be dry only upon the fleece, and upon all the ground let there be dew.  And God did so that night: for it was dry upon the fleece only, and there was dew on all the ground.”
Gideon didn’t have a Bible, and it was contrary to any authority in his life except God.  What God was asking Gideon to do was flat out crazy in the natural realm.  His father had to step in to keep people from killing him.  God had put working with kids in Colombia in my heart, and confirmed it with several signs.  I couldn’t even think at work.  It made no sense and there was no well-developed Internet to research such things.  The only thing on the news was bombings, and terrorists kidnapping and killing.   When I told people that I had bought tickets it was met with fierce anger from church, family, and a warning call from the State Department to convince me not to go.  The only encouragement I had was from the Christian owner of the company that I had just started working for who said, I gave you vacation the day I hired you, go. 

Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”
It made no sense and there was no well-developed Internet to research such things.  I felt foolish on the way, saying to myself, You idiot.  What are you thinking?  Latin families are tight.  There cannot possibly be a problem with kids there.  I was too embarrassed to tell people on the way why I was going there.  At O’Hare, a guy flagged me down and asked if I would help him with some eye medicine.  He asked where I was going, and I told him.  He said I’m going there too.  So we walked across the airport to that gate.  He told me about how things may seem to me but the way people think is quite different.  At Miami I had to change planes.  It turned out a guy a guy from Florida came and sat across the aisle from me and I learned from, had two daughters who married the two sons of the pastor who didn’t like me.  Another couple came in and sat behind me who turned out to be missionaries from the church, who I never knew.   Those are pretty long odds on a plane with over 300 people.  When the plane landed, I had peace like I had never experienced before, and I was angry with myself for not being terrified.  It was pitch dark and raining.  I didn’t expect it to be dark at 8 PM.  All who said they would help get me on my way abandoned me.  I was going to stay in the airport until morning but they closed it and forced me out in the street where it was raining and taxi drivers grabbing at my arm.  The hotel I had made reservations with accidentally booked the wrong month, and I was back on the street.  After the plans I had made all fell through, I found refuge the following day in the attic of a Wycliffe Guest House.  At that point they asked the dreaded question, Why did you come?  I felt so stupid telling them.  They told me about the street children, that the need was intense, and how the city was laid out.  I couldn’t visit the government offices because the president declared it the week of the children.  What He put in my heart and was confirmed with signs was trustworthy, and He protected me the night before.  The following day they flew me to a missionary outpost near the jungle.  There, a doctor and dentist told me if I come they would give the kids free services, and a missionary couple with two kids said they would like to work with me.  After we flew back, they invited me to a get together before school resumed.  There they introduced me to a guy working with kids and he asked if I wanted to go out with him on the streets at night, which I did, where I learned how to dodge Los Cobras.  Then the people running the guest house told me about a girl they talked out of an abortion, and the orphanage the baby went to after he was born, and that was their little boy running around there, and if I wanted to go there, which I did.  It was one thing after another.  What I didn’t know, is while I was there, ABC came there to film what was happening to the street kids, which a customer back home videotaped for me.  My blessing to the kids and they to me were massive and unforgettable, and I have returned several times since and ran into the doctor twice at different orphanages hundreds of miles away from each other and where I met him.  My heart was there and God was directing me to live there.

Proverbs 29:25 “The fear of man bringeth a snare: but whoso putteth his trust in the LORD shall be safe.”
1 Kings 13:11-24 – The old prophet told the young prophet that God told him contrary to what God told the young prophet, and the young prophet was killed by a lion.
Matthew 23:4  “For they bind heavy burdens and grievous to be borne, and lay them on men’s shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers.”
Matthew 23:9  “And call no man your father upon the earth: for one is your Father, which is in heaven.”
Luke 11:11-13 “If a son shall ask bread of any of you that is a father, will he give him a stone? or if he ask a fish, will he for a fish give him a serpent? Or if he shall ask an egg, will he offer him a scorpion? If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children: how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him?”

I am one of the young people of the church, who went to a Christian school, who God had a close relationship with me from a young age.  I fell prey to men of reputation manipulating scripture and using fear and intimidation.  I was torn in both directions from the scriptures.  What followed is I avoided going deep with God, and hiding in a busy, surface existence, and living out other people’s expectations for my life.  When I didn’t go, and I was flying across country, I listened to a couple talking about Colombia and girl there, and how they were worried about her.  It sounded so much like someone I worked with in an orphanage in Colombia.  I asked if they were talking about her.  They were stunned.  I turned out I was sitting next to her sister.  The memories of His miraculous signs never go away.  I tended to live out what I believed I deserved against all efforts on His part to the contrary.  I discovered later by examining the original text that they had added and taken away from the scriptures and do to this day, and what God had put in my heart and confirmed with miraculous signs was scriptural.  God would never give us, or ask us to do anything that is not good, as an answer to our prayers.  I will not again let man influence me to doubt in darkness what God has given me in the light.  It is my fault for enabling them because there is no basis in scripture for God needing man’s approval.  The only thing they managed to do was to steal my joy and excitement, and damage my relationship with God.  Whether it was out of good or self-serving motives, I’m not willing to live my life according to their faith because it doesn’t work.  I’d rather be a man of no reputation, so I can walk with God in faith without worrying about what other people believe, than to imprisoned by a reputation that requires man’s approval.  There is no mistake I could have made while following Him that could have been more crippling to my life than the fear of man and walking by sight.

Matthew 6:21 “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”
No matter how things look on the outside, life doesn’t work when your body is one place, while your heart is in another.

Proverbs 13:12 “Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life.”
When God gives signs like he did to Gideon, that IS a green light.  When people say wait, those are the words of men walking by sight.  There is no place in His Word that supports that position, so any confusion resides within them.  Delay simply makes the heart sick.  A sick heart is more life limiting than any mistake I could have made.

Luke 9:62 “And Jesus said unto him, No man, having put his hand to the plough, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.”
Romans 11:29 “For the gifts and calling of God are without repentance”
I had been given so many miraculous signs that I feared Luke 9:62.  I wasn’t sure what He thought of me, and was almost afraid to ask.  I cried out to Him, and He gave me multiple miraculous signs that showed He does.  I wish I could show you the pictures, the documents, and have you talk to the people to confirm what I said, but here is something I can prove to you here.  While I was praying recently, God spoke ChristsLove.org to my heart.  My logical inclination was that it would not be possible for such an obvious domain name to be available.  The word kept coming up in my heart in an almost frantic way.  I went online to where I register my domain names to check to get it off my mind.  My heart skipped when I found it available, in the wild, as were the Spanish and French translations, and the .net, and I even have one of the .coms.  Ask any webmaster what the odds are of that domain name being available in the wild.  There are no even less desirable names available around it.  It has been one thing like that after another.

Luke 18:29-30  “And he said unto them, Verily I say unto you, There is no man that hath left house, or parents, or brethren, or wife, or children, for the kingdom of God’s sake,  Who shall not receive manifold more in this present time, and in the world to come life everlasting.”
Even if this promise were not in the Bible, it wouldn’t change anything for me.  God has put it in my heart to be a father to the fatherless, and the love of kids and people has been part of my DNA since I was a child.  Just feeling Christ’s love flow my heart into theirs is already “Manifold more”, and a huge relief for me.

Matthew 19:24 “And again I say unto you, It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.” 
There has long been an unconscious desire to not be rich that has played out no matter how much money I received.  I’m happy to go with whatever God wants, including nothing at all.  It is also the very reason why I have always turned down great, but entangling, opportunities.

Joel 2:25  “And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpiller, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you.”
Isa 40:30-31  “Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall:  But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”
I have no right to ask for these verses to be fulfilled in my life after my delays except through Christ who makes me perfect in God’s sight.  God knows my heart has always been to wait upon Him, and that itself was not a desire that I put there.  I also pray that the childlike trust, joy, and excitement also be restored to full vigor.

Psalm 84:10  “For a day in thy courts is better than a thousand. I had rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God, than to dwell in the tents of wickedness.”
God created me with the need for puke, dirty diapers, skinned knees, skinned hearts, to wipe tears away, for holding, and hugging, and for reasons only He knows, forced me into aviation and afterward made a military pilot out of me, business, and technology in many fields.  I was not involved in those decisions, and nor do I understand how God will use those pieces nor will I trust anyone but God to reveal that.  If I wrote out how all of those things happened it would be filed in the comedy section.  My greatest need and God’s unequivocal call is to have the love of Christ flow through me to these kids and other people.  No matter what happens, I am not willing to be constrained to a life of, “No runs, no hits, and no errors.” and my need is, and always has been, to bring as much Heaven to earth as I can with my life.  Following His call is more important to me than life itself because less than that is, and has been, simply dying an inch at a time.

Orphanage and kids
What you can expect of me is for the kids experience the love of Christ, and come to know God as their coach and minute by minute companion.  To learn to read God’s word with the mindset of a God who shows us what does and what doesn’t work in life, the bad areas as Him cutting out cancer from society that prevent people from living fulfilled lives, how it was written for them to get the most out of life, that Jesus made it possible, and God can make happen what He wants to make happen in their lives if they put their confidence in Him.  They will not be taught denominational doctrines.  I have witnessed firsthand how destroyed these kids can be when they arrive.  Today there is video chat so people back home can be with me there.  After their healing, I hope to find people in the states who can recognize families that walk by faith.  I know how rare those families are, and that trait does not seem to favor any particular denomination.  I know how unnecessarily expensive adoptions are.  Perhaps people can band together to help households of faith take them in as exchange students or adoption.  From what I’ve seen, they will be a greater blessing you more than you will be to them.

As for me
I have no idea what I’m doing, nor how all this will unfold, but God never let me know ahead of time with anything else that happened in my life either.  The heroes in my life are Mariella Bernal of Nuevo Amanecer, who has no match for imparting the love of Christ to kids, and Jaime Jaramillo, who has rescued nearly 100,000 from the streets over a 30 year period, and set aside a night to call the kids around the world.  If God wants me to work as a servant for either of them, I’m fine with that too, but I’m well aware that He can, and has, done things in my life that way beyond what I can fathom as possible.  As in the beginning, I can’t even think at work right now, but that is exactly what I have been praying for, for quite a while in order to get me through the needle’s eye. 

My Prayer:
Pray God’s help in me separating myself rapidly and efficiently of present entanglements.  Pray that when I get there that the peace and joy and energy will revive to what it was the first time.  I pray for those that can come along side and help me set things up in that country who I can learn from, maybe it’s Jaime, Mariella, or the couples in Santa Marta who also didn’t know the language and set up recently, or whoever is best for me.  Pray that He bless my language learning skills.  Pray for provision.  My needs are very small; soap, shampoo, toothpaste, toothbrush, a couple changes of clothes, and just enough food to enable me to take care of them.  The larger needs will be for the kids, for a place to house them, feed them, and care for them.  Jaime gets donations from around the world, but now also makes cookies that are sold  through grocery stores.  Please pray all of this happens for the kids’ sake and mine, otherwise I will have spent my life running from great opportunities for nothing.  As a guy, I obviously cannot do this alone.  Pray He sends a helper who wants lots of kids and is as fascinated by those little lights as I am.  I know how rare and terrifyingly priceless someone like that is.

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